Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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