put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
