I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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