Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
