at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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