textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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