Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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