shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
