I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
