She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
