he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
