so that wasnt chicken after all
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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