i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
