I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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