Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
