i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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