You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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