i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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