You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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