Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize