I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
