Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
