dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
