2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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