I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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