Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
