I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
