i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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