so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize