if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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