woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
