he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
