matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Still dying that you shit outside
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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