If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
