Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
