420 ftw
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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