If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i will never coherently bang her
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
