I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
