oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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