Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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