If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Someone signed my nipple.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
