I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize