you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
