Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize