the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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