i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
