I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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