we made out on top of his cat.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Your penis caused this!
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