Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
