I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
