I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
