chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
