Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
