I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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