She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
