He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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