alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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