Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
