well I can't set my house on fire every night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
