I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
