between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize