then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I party with great urgency now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
