there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I yelled at your uterus for you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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