Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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