he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
