Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
