u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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