My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
