the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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