The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
