Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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