Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
