I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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