I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
