Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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