woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
