you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
