i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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