just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize