I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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