i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
