You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
