ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
