I wish you could order shots online.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
