i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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