so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize