I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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