Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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