My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
