I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
